Wanna bes and gonnas be
is this the day that youre gonna seize
Or maybe just sit around waiting for that call
Time is cheap but it aint free
Let another day just fall through me
Winding up staring at the wall

[Bridge:]
Feel the motion, cos your head is spinning like a top
Taste the ocean, cos the flavours there in every drop

[Chorus:]
You told me that all of your angels and demons
are constantly kicking and fighting and screaming
Theres no light, and theres no sound,
Bet you wanna drag the sunrise down
You tell me it feels like you're running in circles
And all the time they keep raising the hurdles
Out of sight, and under ground
Youre dreaming youre gonna drag the sunrise down

You know the light can hypnotise
So shut it out and close your eyes
Youre paranoid, cant avoid, living in denial
You curse the sun it fills the sky,
Spiralling down as it passes by
Dreaming and schemin and sinkin in the night

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

Time is on your side
You hide behind the tainted smile
But its there deeo in your eyes
Drop the blade and look inside
Only you can find the light

[Chorus]

 
i feel just like the loser protagonist in the song.

what the fuck is wrong with me.
okay teenage angst
unfair world, talentless little bitch who always looks for the easiest path.
that's why i never tried nygh again,
that's why i never study for PSLE, or for O's
that's why i always scrape by with no idea how on earth there can be people worse than i
that's why i will never go anywhere in life.

because i am me.
fucking ME and no, i will not fuck the world,
because it's all my fucking fault and i know it but


i wont do a fucking thing about it.

having been away for two weeks, internet and television doesn't seem to engage me in the same way that it used to.
for two weeks we slept 8hr nights;
we relied on conversation and music to get us through the monotony of bus rides;
we actually learnt stuff about people, things you wouldn't normally expect from teachers and juniors and friends;
we fangirled over 80s hairbands and balladeers, trading insults and scathing remarks over each other's taste in music and drama and comedy and books in good-natured banter;
we thought up actions and our heart strings were tugged repeatedly as a result of singing Brian McKnight and Bon Jovi among others;
had night parties playing drunken elephant and blasting sinatra, buble, beatles;
you learn to be more observant of the things around you when you're a foreigner, a minority in an alien environment;
trolling the streets, trying to keep up the pace yet soaking it all in;
the greyness of gloomy skies that envelope the devastation that is Auschwitz contrasted with the luminous hues that shine upon the medieval tapestries of culture;
the days spent learning about history as it comes alive before you in the form of architecture, of pain and suffering, where you really feel like you know, despite the fact you KNOW that no-one ever can comprehend, what they've gone through;
we ate, slept, learnt with each other, all day every day for 11 days.

eurotrip with the LEMUN group has had such a profound impact on me, unlike any other trips i've ever been on.
it's weird how i can't seem to be able to get back into the groove of normalcy back home.
i don't think i want a room all to myself, i don't want to be alone anymore.
i want to be back in amsterdam, in warsaw, in berlin,
walking the streets with an ahbeng (minyee) and two bimbos (jean/sheena), hunting for H&Ms and spending money like water,
eating kebabs and bratwurst and being in the cold.
i want to squeal over dogs and bundled up children,
complain about and laugh over angmohs and their idiocy.
i want to play pool in the morning and before bedtime,
sleep on the floor and have imaginary relationships where i got repeatedly stabbed in the heart due to adultery.
i want to harrass my elders and annoy them till they relent,
to find out how much in common we really have and to leave behind a legacy for juniors.
i want to feel as alive as i felt when i heard juniper fire back against that angmoh in front of a hall filled with angmohs; when the closing ceremony of LEMUN signalled the end of work for the trip; when we sang The Reason to clAUDIa Ting and Alice Chia in the bus on the last day.

DAMN YOU LEMUN WITHDRAWAL, DAMN YOU TO HELL  D:
why did it have to be so fucking awesome.
BALLEN.

went to Jean's with mauritians and min yee
played with dexter the big fat golden retriever that's white with curly fur and soft paw pads, a ball of utter fluff and awesomeness.
went back to orchard
did some godawful stuff and was damn painful
then went to cut hair
wihich took a bloody 3 hours because the muddar chose to perm her hair -.-
then to the grandmuddar's where cute kid was.
yay qi-an
found out about prospective volunteer job with fucking FORMULA ONE next year
on the track tasks too,
but not yet set in stone
left at 945 to find some 24hr place to eat dinner
and drove around for half an hour before going to holland v
laboriously drove about finding a parking space
and by the time we actually ate it was 11pm.
shingz.
so now i am full
and people have vanished from ongoing coversations either by phone or twitter
i am dreading LEMUN, for which i leave 59 hours from now
may i reiterate,
Shingz.
tmrw's Chalet where there will be very little people
and i have to bring LEMUN shizz
and leave at 730 to go to school
which means by tonight i have to
a. print 10copies of each of my 4 resolutions
b. pack my frolicking clothes
c. pack uniform (WTF)
d. charge and pack my MAC.
i have to study whilst i am there bloody hell
my issue, my debate. SHINGZ.
how am i supposed to tell Bangladesh to let the children of illegal migrants get education when they hardly even have an education system for themselves?
point of information przz.
hate lemun mannxz.
only Asians pfft
angmohs are tall
i really hope no-one insults singapore for i fear i may not be convinced/well-versed enough to defend my country's honour.
am tired
and the tablet's noisy.
is annoyed.
stomach pain.
tired and stressed and not yet enjoying post-O's damnit!
trying to cheer self up by listening to Ben Folds sing about revenge against bullies
i need to shop on monday, how?

and oh, Obama's here.

he akshully smacks his piano keys
watch his piano elbow (2:17) in the solo! (1:40)

:D

call me weird but Shakespeare makes me happy sometimes.

today's been a good day.
in more ways than one.

1. starting the day with a good hearty breakfast at Macs with (stupid) ty! coronary arteries, are you okay?

2. airported. train rides are fun.

3. walked about, lay down, LEMUN-ed at the viewing hall at T3, gave up, POPEYE'S (with WAY too much food, the potatoes made us highhhhhhhhh), talked more than we worked, went to T2 to get starbucked (doesn't making starbucks into a verb sound so sick! Oh, we just got starbucked.), worked a it more and talked a lot more, then we headed hommme lazily. in between we squeezed in some stom-aches and poots. and i learnt a new malay word: tandas. i need to go tandas, my juboh cannot hold it in already. <-- this is damn gross and i'm chuckling to myself. i give myself 9/10.

4. awesome train ride back again. mimicking sexful robot PA voices (joo koon) and people-watching, you'd be surprised the weirdos on the train having nightmares of smiaoli things and happy dreams of presumably sex

5. bused home and ate dinner OMG DAMN FULL

6. finally got to talk to someone. and it's all done and settled and continuous. if that makes sense. closure of the past and opening of the future. i sound so philosophical and cryptic! hey MF (no this is not mofo), you can stop (being) Eating More Oreos now, aight? *wink* :D

happy day happy day.
just super tired and unproductive with O's next week.
meh. who cares.

Would that breast were bared before thee
Where thy head so oft hath lain,
While that placid sleep came o'er thee
Which thou ne'er canst know again:

Would that breast, by thee glanced over,
Every inmost thought could show!
Then thou wouldst at last discover
'Twas not well to spurn it so.

Though the world for this commend thee -
Though it smile upon the blow,
Even its praise must offend thee,
Founded on another's woe:

Though my many faults defaced me,
Could no other arm be found,
Than the one which once embraced me,
To inflict a cureless wound?

Yet, oh yet, thyself deceive not;
Love may sink by slow decay,
But by sudden wrench, believe not
Hearts can thus be torn away:

Still thine own its life retaineth,
Still must mine, though bleeding, beat;
And the undying thought which paineth
Is - that we no more may meet.

These are words of deeper sorrow
Than the wail above the dead;
Both shall live, but every morrow
Wake us from a widowed bed.

And when thou wouldst solace gather,
When our child's first accents flow,
Wilt thou teach her to say "Father!"
Though his care she must forego?

When her little hands shall press thee,
When her lip to thine is pressed,
Think of him whose prayer shall bless thee,
Think of him thy love had blessed!

Should her lineaments resemble
Those thou never more may'st see,
Then thy heart will softly tremble
With a pulse yet true to me.

All my faults perchance thou knowest,
All my madness none can know;
All my hopes, where'er thou goest,
Wither, yet with thee they go.

Every feeling hath been shaken;
Pride, which not a world could bow,
Bows to thee - by thee forsaken,
Even my soul forsakes me now:

But 'tis done - all words are idle -
Words from me are vainer still;
But the thoughts we cannot bridle
Force their way without the will.

furts like hell, yo.

it's wrong that everyone is so stressed out and here i am not doing a single thing.
the doctor said it could be stress-related.
i kind of chuckled in his face
apparently one can be stressed without knowing so
and my tummy could be reacting to the subconscious stress the way it is.
but still.
it's wrong.

so today was spent
1. trynna finish up my speech through some pain, which i did, save for the ending coz i didn't know how to end
2. waking up in aforementioned pain and dragging self to parents' room where i was told to go back to bed to wait for the clinics to open
3. waking up again seeing pops' face inches from mine telling me that moo was taking me to her cousin's clinic at Gleneagles later
4. waking up to actually go to gleaneagles
5. waiting and getting checked by the doctor who is awesomer than my RegularDoctor, who, upon seeing the medicine that RD prescribed actually said "ahh. this is very low... low..." and he trailed off. low quality, perhaps? based on his diagnosis, i deduced that RD misdiagnosed/ underdiagnosed me. i never liked him. (fyi the diagnosis was damn lame. not cool at all mannxz)
6. went back home and Ollie wasn't back from his surgery yet D:
7. hung around waiting for the workers to be done in my bathroom, which by the way took forever, which is why i didn't manage to do anything except sleep on the couch and watch F1 qualifying again.
8. sat with Ollie for awhile after he came back.
9. ate dinner begrudgingly. i'm still not hungry. can you believe it.
10. fretted over Ollie some more.

the poor dog has the cone of shame around his face and he looks so sad and tired and groggy! EXACTLY like this:

when he came back he lay down and didn't get up though his tail was wagging
then later he got up and refused to lie down
then he kep moving his head
and kept wanting to stick his snout into the spaces between the bars on the gate
then the plastic on the cone keep folding here scratching there
next thing i knew his ear was rubbing against the plastic and i dont know if he tore his stitches out or what but there was a small trail of blood on the plastic so i started freaking out not because i was scared of blood but because he was bleeding
and there was still some hard stuff that matted into his fur on his face above the eye and around the snout and the black tear lines and trailed all the way down his face. if i didn't know any better i'd think ollie cried  D:
he's all whoozy and tired and omgggg it's damn sad uh.
i hugged him so i had to take a shower again.

poo.

in other unrelated news,
there's an awesome new printer, i got sung to by an adorable Qi An who finally called me jiejie (cheh cheh) and even demanded i follow her upstairs in a ridiculously cute and not bossy fashion and thanked me in her bad enunciation for helping pick up her paper lantern that she was swinging around when we walked for mooncake day, and i got my prom stuff (which should be done by next tuesday) done over the weekend.
and i did SS and english, only to miss two days of school.
but it's okay.
i'd rather be at home and stare at ollie/study by myself/writhe in pain.
bye.
i'm going to sit with ollie for awhile. i love my dog okay!

today in random nutshells that may have been heaped onto a plate and left untouched for some inexplicable reason:

-almost got Grosjean and HOT HOT HOT Alonso's autographs. darn you taller-than-me fanboys/uncles/aunties/kids on shoulders.  D:

-had a blast with loi at the circuit despite completely disgustingly horrendous results

-been on my feet from 4pm-12am, with little breaks in between. sweat buckets.

- i never got tired of the noise. they lack bass power though.

-got a few decent pictures in but mostly blurred colours

-stupid smokers

-nice lady who save her seat for us as she left

-stupid woman complaining about being BORED and how UNFUN it was. siao one.

- stupid girl wondering "what the white and green car is". stupid one.

-crazy angmohs and their beer! and their height.

-BARRICHELLO! RAIKKONEN! FERNANDO! VETTEL!  D: i heart you many many

pictures onf Facebook soon.

today has been the most fun in a long time.
yay i love 4G3, polar bears and villaged chiefs.

free chinese periods were misspent on Murderer
which was slightly awesomez.
HAHA.
then Mafia during recess.
english was same old same old
and a maths was spent with cleolvoe
AND I HELPED HER WITH HER CHINESE PRAISE ME PLS
surprised i could still speak it.
SS was CONFUSING and tingwaii and i were all 0.0 coz our brains kinda hurt
and it was all due to the misuse of a preposition  -.-
damn spastic.

oh why is chia so happy nowadays, it's kind of creepy!
HAHA but good also.
crapped with thatfilzah who moved behind me
we discussed techniques to get the teacher to think you're listening
and implemented some while we talked HAHA
love filfil, she damn funny today

then after school!
Naz and i got tuition
but we stayed back to talk talk abit
and cleo joined in our intellectual conversation
religion and relationships and academics and faith
totes mcgoats mannxz
everything's getting out of hand now,
and it's seriously quite scary to see us disintegrating like this
but i know i have NO responsibility in it,
and sometimes i wonder how on god's green earth did we manage for so long
okay, maybe not us, but me
seriously, the only reason i can is because it's kind of a superficial r/s yknow yknow
so the small things never come to the surface

ah whatever lah
very hard to care now.
broke fast with nazreen just now HAHAHA
it was quite stupid.
i made a mental note to blog something stupid that happened and now i forgot.
my mind is failing me.
i'm losing my mojo.

okay bye.

p.s. MASS DANCE was funnnnnnnnnnnnnn
i'm so happy that the class did so awesomely!
YAY and 90% of the sec4s were doing it brilliantly too!
except for some that were scowling, but it's okay!

CAREFUL LATER YOUR FACE STUCK AH!

hello life is horrible and i'm still alive.
stupid Oral this Friday and prelims start next week OMGZ.
mocks and tests every week
i want to die alr
and sleep doesn't seem to be helping either

jie left ytd, with moo
bro's boarding at NTU
i'm left alone at home with the maid and the dog
rolling around not feeling like doing anything.
poo.

now i have an opening for a temporary replacement bid sister.
hi, applications to be sent here, kthnx.

last weekend was awesome
friday's all day out,
caught Public Enemy (JOHNNY DEPP!) and G.I. Joe (Sienna Miller is quite hot!)
with thefrogisgay, spermy, thatfilzah, tingwaii, fmloi and cxseow
HAHA sorry we were so late!

then Saturday was partayyye at home,
got fantastically drunk
it'e been awhile since i talked to the cousins at length

Sunday was NDP with thatfilzah and tingwaii!
HAHAHA Gayness to the MAX.
bought an awesomez Puma shirt that i never want to take off.

stayed out/up till late all three days,
and UP with the cousins on Monday
i love you. i am pouncing on you, because i love you. SQUIRREL!
i love you.

didn't do any work then.
and didn't do much over this weekend either.
spent most of the time being spastic with kor and jie.
yay siblings ftw.
idiotic guy keep poking me and talking to me about poker on his phone -.-

i feel like eating Rochor beancurd!
again.
anyway, i veh lazy blog alr.



i was looking at motorcycle pictures and ZOMG i want one so bad D:
awesomeness.


Beemer


YAMAHA


Triumph


Triumph Thruxton


Triumph Bonneville (Hugh Laurie has one!)


Ducati Monster M900S4






  


Kimi Rakkonen's custom-made IceMan.

but my favourite of them all...


KAWASAKI! WIN!.

oh, p.s. :

kinda NSFW, but then again, what that comes from me is?
listen to this and i bet it'd get stuck in your head!
who doesnt love bloodhound gang!
it's electric and about sex and totally reminds me of the pocket calculator song.

The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang's Hooray for Boobies